With or Without Romance

Hello ladies. How are you? Fantastic. Have you ever noticed how much we’re pressured, manipulated, and handed ultimatums by society, our peers, and sometimes even our families about the relationships we’re supposed to have? Have you also noticed that it’s all just about as intangible as the steam from your shower? We’re not happy because we think we’re missing something that we desperately need: namely, a man.

I see it every week. Many of you languish in your desire for romance. Even those of you who are in relationships right now hang your every hope and dream on whether or not he calls you or talks with you in a given day. Your statuses on Facebook cry out for the attention I know you’re craving. My heart breaks over and over every time I read “what’s on your mind.” I know you struggle with insecurity because you’re not dating but it’s better to be single with high standards than to be in a relationship that’s mediocre! You may not think so but we chose to follow a destiny that was bigger than us (and any man we may meet in this life) when we gave our hearts and lives to Jesus Christ. What man can possibly compare to the passionate, all-consuming love of the Almighty Creator of the Universe?  He made you priceless… with or without a man. Your worth is not about who you’re with; it’s about WHO YOU ARE.

This struck me again a few days ago when, after only a short while of “talking” with a guy this week, kissing -and how it feels and where it leads- suddenly came up in conversation. I felt flashes of insecurity and insane discomfort at his pro “go-for-it” stance. He was attractive, fit, claimed to be a Christian, and had a decent list of “good” qualities, including a good job, a nice Christian family, and continued pursuit of further education.  But physical desire was written all over him. The moment I began to feel like less because I’ve made a stand for purity was the moment I felt moved to rise up against another mental and emotional attack. I know what God has called me to be! Once again, I had to remind myself that it doesn’t matter how long you have to wait for God’s best, DON’T SETTLE!

Ladies, if a guy isn’t a spiritual leader now, YOU can’t change him! We’re wired to be responders. If he’s always pushing the boundaries in your relationship, he’s in essence saying “I don’t respect you” and “I’m not interested in protecting innocence if I can get something I want.” How can God touch him when he’s so distracted by touching you or the idea of touching you that he can only think of one thing? If your relationship doesn’t reach any further than the next physical encounter, spiritual goals obviously aren’t a consideration in his mind (maybe not in yours either – check your motive. Where’s it driving you?).  Just because he says he’s a Christian doesn’t mean he is. Demand proof. If he wants a Christ-centered relationship with you, you can’t keep forgiving what he’s still living!

Praise God for the hope I read in the faces and declarations of the teenage young men I talked with after church today. I can’t tell you how proud I am to have such amazing brothers. Cody told me today that he “doesn’t want a girl that’s given everything away to another dude” because “he’s saving everything.”  Sky told me the same thing. Even though these guys have already been propositioned, pressured, and enticed by predatory girls who wanted to take them down, they’ve made a hard stand to protect their bodies, minds, and hearts for the pure, beautiful, committed one God will put in their lives someday. My brothers, Brent and Bryson, are passionate about this too, even though I know all these young men have struggled at times with their thoughts. Being ready to fight for God’s best should be the top criteria we look for and hold up as an example.

We’ve got a tough job; so do our guys.  Let’s make it easier for all of us by remembering who we are and what we’re here for. Wear your heart for Jesus Christ on your sleeve; treasure your hopes and ideals for a pure, beautiful romance with Prince Charming in your back pocket. Hold out for a REAL man who pursues a high standard (and pursues you) with all the respect and discipline of a diligent, skilled soldier of God’s. “Someday,” I guarantee, will be worth waiting for.

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About Brittany

“If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough." - Einstein
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5 Responses to With or Without Romance

  1. Hoang-An Le says:

    Hi Brittany,

    Thank you for your message on dating and romance relationships! As much as I do not have an issue on guyfriend/girlfriend relationships, I really think that this post is worth considering, especially in college and my future life. However, I’ll tell you right from the start that I am not interested in dating or having a boyfriend, not even during my post-graduate years – I mean, that’s just me. What’s the point of having relationships if they are temporal? And even if my guyfriend is a Christian, what if I assume that he is an adult Christian only to find that he is only a baby Christian who is not making any spiritual progress? I still have to be cautious because what if he has a capricious nature – say he is like the gleaming golden sunshine one moment and “thunder and lightening the next.” I borrowed these sensory images from my favorite movie, Christy. Just curious, but are you familiar with this movie by any chance? Anyway, back on topic…..I have to be really careful about who I hang around with. I definitely do not want to spend time with somebody who constantly induces me to drift away from God or inculcates a perverted, ungodly mindset in me. Besides, I am not all crazy with boys per se, not to insinuate that I act all aloof around them. Yes, I do enjoy talking to them and treating them as my friends in the Lord, but I do not want to enter into a relationship with them.

    It is also true that many young ladies do not seem satisfied with themselves because they do not obtain the very thing that they lust after – love and romance. This is why they seem to act flirtatious around the guys. And I’ll admit, sometimes I go as far as teasing them or stealing their hats, but it doesn’t mean that I am acting coquettish toward them…I simply want to have some fun. Anyway, I wholeheartedly agree with you that readily complying to God’s will should be our number-one priority in life! This not only applies to relationships, but it also goes for every aspect of life. Again, I appreciate your thoughts and advices, and I will be praying for you and your friends.

    • Brittany says:

      Haha! I actually think that having a boyfriend is totally okay and can be fun if everything is relaxed and in proper perspective! It just shouldn’t be such a HUGE focus of our lives that we feel unsatisfied without it. This was a post for the girls in my youth group actually. (: that And yes, I think I’ve seen Christy (a looong time ago) – it’s about a school teacher, right? If so, I really liked it.

  2. Hoang-An Le says:

    Beautifully put, Brittany! Your arguments are very cogent. 🙂 I tried not to take this post out of context, and I think you’re right that it’s okay to have a boyfriend as long as you value God over your relationships. While you do not want to focus too much on spicing up your relationships, you still want to feel a sense of camaraderie.

    And yes, the movie Christy is about a school teacher. 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed the movie, because it is one of my personal favorite films to watch and analyze. Remember the episodes where this little student named Bessie has a crush on her classmate, John? I mean, twelve-year-old students started having crushes on each other…isn’t that quite “lovely”? Also, not to backbite, but I’ve heard of some eight-year-old pals who have already developed sexy relationships with one another. Now how “beautiful” is that?

    By the way, I really missed you at the Vietnamese camp in New Freedom, PA, this year. I hope you can come next year!

  3. Hoang-An Le says:

    Yeah, that would be great! We all would love to have you there! And guess what? This was my first year being an assistant leader! I was super excited! (:

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