Fieryhalo

My Grandpa has been known to say incredibly profound things like “If it doesn’t make your flesh nervous, it doesn’t require much faith.” He is a deeply humble man, an author, and an evangelist with a doctorate of theology who still has a tendency to school me in normal conversation. I have always loved him for it. His favorite phrase when I would ask him a question or request a definition of a big word was “Go look it up!” He knew that if I did, I would remember the answer because I had worked for it. As someone who has grown up knowing Jesus Christ and serving Him consistently from an early age, I spent a lot of time “looking up” answers to questions in my Bible. I thought faith and prayer were two areas where I had pretty solid understanding and discipline. I could not have been more wrong.

Like my Grandpa, God is still schooling me in normal conversation with Him. While I was reading in Matthew 8 this week, I was struck by God’s desire for greater faith from me. As a single, college graduate without debt, I have felt a lot of freedom to accomplish whatever it is that God would give me an opportunity to do, including ministry and missions. If I am being honest with myself, this has not actually required much faith from me. I grew up in a ministry lifestyle. It’s like being in the military in a lot of ways. Your life does not belong to you and you follow orders. It’s a driving passion but it becomes your ‘normal.’ In keeping with this fact, my prayer life has been rather “mild” until recently. Sometimes God enjoys instigating adventures that spice up our relationship with Him.

In terms of relationships with other people, ministry, and work, I have been a communicator of the Gospel (a soldier) first and, then, who I am as a friend, a reporter for the newspaper, a leader, a daughter, and a sister have all seamlessly intersected that role. Even writing for the newspaper has offered unprecedented opportunities to serve the community and pray with people or share my faith every week. It’s a life consistent with everything I value. Straightforward. Real. It is amazing, however, when God knocks on your heart and sets you on a journey that goes far beyond anything you would expect to accomplish on your own. The commencement of a masters program, the many thousands of dollars it requires, and the dedication of my time to the pursuit of personal spiritual development has almost frightened me (just the word “seminary” gives me the heebie jeebies – when I was a child, I remember my pastor calling it “cemetery” because of how it can kill your passion and turn it into an “ology”). I guess you could say I am accustomed to putting ministry first and the idea of putting time and money toward a degree was not a plan I in any way conceived on my own. I thought I was skilled in putting my flesh to death until a couple months ago when I registered for my first classes in a Masters of Divinity. My dedication to prayer has gone from mild to intense in a matter of weeks.

I read the account in Matthew 8 of the centurion who approached Jesus on behalf of his sick servant. Although I have read these passages in Matthew numerous times, the centurion’s story gripped me this week like never before. I was in his shoes (or sandals) this time, looking to Jesus to help me as I disciple and teach precious believers, several of whom are struggling with so much sickness in their spirits. I want it to be said of my faith, like it was said of the centurion, “Jesus was amazed.” (Matthew 8:10) God gave me clear direction in pursuing a deeper understanding of His word through a Masters of Divinity program. I’ve stepped out in obedience but it has shaken me to the core. The confident faith of the centurion has yet to rise up in me.

In an older translation of Psalm 3:6 I read this week, it said, “I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn against me on every side.” The author was speaking of physical assailants but, in the moment I read it, I understood that I should not fear the “tens of thousands drawn against me” financially. This is not a pursuit of the flesh; it is a pursuit of the Spirit. In that, 1 Corinthians 4:16-18 applies when it says, “Therefore, we do not lose heart; though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day, for our light and momentary struggles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix out eyes not on what is seen but what is unseen because what is seen is temporary. What is unseen is eternal.” 

When I was a 3-year-old child, I recorded an album with various Sunday school songs and hymns on it. My father had gotten the recording out this week and was playing it for my infant nephew. One of the songs on that album is based off 2 Chronicles 20:15 and repeated the refrain to me in my 3-year-old voice, “Don’t be afraid, don’t be afraid for the battle is not yours but it’s God’s.” That child-like confidence in God is something I have needed to rediscover. When Jesus said in Matthew 18:4 “unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven,” He was talking about innocent trust and dependency. Although it seems counter-intuitive to find child-like trust in the pursuit of a Masters degree, God loves to take his children on surprising field trips to help them understand that He is completely in control. Yes, I’m still being schooled in my faith but I’m okay with that.

^{Repost from April 25, 2010}
Because David Letterman already has the copyright on the top 10 list, I’ve decided to do my own thing and make it twice as good with a Top 20. Click on the links to see posts detailing some of the reasons behind each one – these are all born out of the experience of one insatiably inquisitive redhead:

1. Discipline is what it means to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. If you’re not disciplining yourself, your thoughts, words, and actions, you’re not a disciple.
2. Knowing and understanding are completely different. To understand something you have to experience it and let it become a part of you.
3. Never claim an illness or disease. If you say “my” cancer, diabetes, flu, etc. God will respect your claim to it.
4. Going through the motions with God and calling yourself a Christian is like a loveless marriage (e.g. claiming commitment and then living for yourself).  If it’s just about rituals and words and you’re not passionately in-love and deeply emotionally, spiritually, and physically connected, give up the charade or seek counseling.
5. Freedom is, quite simply, choosing who to serve. If you choose yourself, you’re in for a lonely ride.
6. Conviction is better than conscience. One’s conscience can be ignored; conviction comes from your core and necessitates action.
7. Satan is the author of confusion. If you’re confused, whatever’s confusing you is not of God.
8. The most important book in your study of anything is the Bible – God made the world; God wrote the Bible.  There’s no more simple, logical relationship.
9. Arrogance is THE parent-sin. You’ll find it behind every unresolved issue and conflict. It’s the opposite of love (yes, hate or apathy are considered the opposite but even these are born out of arrogance).
10. Your face and the way you carry yourself tell almost everything about you.
11. Because we’re a body, mind, and spirit, all three are all you and equally important. Neglect one and you’re not a whole person.
12. People are the only asset worth investing in; they’re the only investments you’ll ever make that will last for eternity. Relationships are the currency of the Kingdom of God.
13. Internet friends ARE NOT real relationships. You can’t trust them and should never make any emotional investments in them. Their stock is as flimsy as that of BP in 2010. There is no credibility. Put out for the ones who show up!
14. THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE: Life is too short to lend an ear to a pessimist’s drama or to drink bad coffee. Both will ruin your day and leave you bitter.
15. Never believe in people too much. They’re only human.
16. Human beings are all weak-willed; if we hear or see something long enough, we begin to believe it. If we believe it, we reason according to our belief; if we reason according to a belief, we act on it and it then becomes a confirmed part of who we are.
17. Thoughts are the circulatory carriers of the mind, like the blood is to the body. In the same way the foods you eat affect your body positively or negatively, the movies, music, books, and messages you take in will affect your mind. Whatever is pure, noble, of good report, etc. (Philippians 4:8) are the building blocks of a healthy mind.
18. Every person alive is an artist. Each life is a canvas. Every action and word is a brushstroke. All you say or do is recorded for better or for worse.  When we get to the end of our lives, God will show our work to us and, like any good art instructor, won’t mark us down for the mistakes made if we used them creatively as a part of something beautiful and meaningful.
19. You have only two choices when it comes to the Bible or faith in Jesus Christ: you either accept all of it or reject all of it. By rejecting part of it, you are rejecting all of it. There is no space in-between.
20. Prayer is the only way anything good happens.

There is always an anticipation and excitement in the magic of Christmas. It’s a family holiday and a time when we get to lavish love on the precious people in our lives. Especially during this time of the year, as I’m thinking about the people in my life and the church family I want to celebrate, I struggle looking at my Christmas list and pictures from the year before.

The truth is, I will never understand why people leave a church home and are vocal about the fact that they’re leaving (for reasons not pertaining to any moral failing). I also don’t understand why other members of the church they’ve left are okay with hanging out, talking casually with, or continuing in deep relationship with a person who spurned the people they love. Doesn’t anyone else chafe at unfaithfulness, disloyalty, and dissension anymore??

I’ve heard reasons like: #1 “Oh I had to leave because I disagreed with this or that…” Seriously? Disagreement is life! How shallow are we if we’re willing to walk away from relationships when we don’t see eye-to-eye?

#2″I felt God leading me elsewhere…” Does God lead people out of an environment where they are loved and growing unless it’s to plant another ministry that’s in unity with their home church and family? I don’t see that anywhere in scripture, do you? And even in the scenario of a “plant,” it’s not leaving, it’s building – everyone agrees and is excited! Each visit is a long-anticipated reunion where we talk about the goodness of God, not an awkward meeting where we don’t discuss church!

#3 “I can make new friends…” This depends on what you consider a friend. Only a true friend, who knows you well, will tell you what you don’t want to hear because they’re anxious to see you blessed and growing spiritually. If we can’t receive nurturing accountability from people who love us, then we will never have true, lasting friends. In the end, we will be very much alone. Lack of commitment is a systemic failing of our culture and is the antithesis of everything we claim to be if we say we’re a follower of Jesus Christ.

For the rest of us, are we so anxious to be understanding and accommodating of people’s issues that we aren’t willing to love a person into right behavior and unity that will bless them and us with continued growing relationships as a functioning part of the church? If we enable a person’s issues or venting of frustrations instead of encouraging them to make things right, how does this bless them? How can there be deep, loyal relationships, growth, training, and accountability in a family if people just get offended and leave and no one says anything about it?? Whatever happened to doing things by The Book – actually applying scripture to the situation instead of doing what we feel and just bailing or allowing someone to bail without consequences?! (Matthew 18) Where’s the reconciliation and the faithfulness that makes church a family and a home? This is what Christmas is all about to me.

I don’t know what anyone else is praying for this Christmas but I’m praying for my lost church family, those I still love but can’t celebrate with this year. There is still hope in the humility of Jesus’ birth and the salvation of His sacrifice for us, if we’re willing to receive and apply His life to ours. Despite the painful reminders of our humanity during an idealistic season, we celebrate a greater, heavenly reality in a future with Emmanuel, One who will never leave us, this Christmas.

“Peter, do you love me more than these?” Jesus asked.

“Yes, Lord, you know I love you,” Peter replied.

“Then feed my lambs,” Jesus said.

Have you ever realized that Jesus was asking Peter to lead… even after Peter’s painful demonstration of cowardice and unfaithfulness? Peter, distraught with regret, regarded more heavily the question of his love for Jesus. I don’t think Peter had a clue that Jesus was making the connection between love and leadership – the resurrected man he had loved and denied was sitting in front of him alive again asking “Do you love me?” The abject humiliation and pain of Peter’s stupid mistake was still so fresh on his mind.

It’s a little known fact that successful leadership is a question of love for Jesus first and then the disciplined act of serving the people he asks you to patiently guide.  Peter was an uneducated fisherman. Jesus boiled down leadership to the simplest principles. Neither man looked like much from the outside -a king raised in a carpenter’s shop in Nazareth and a powerful leader called out of a stinking fishing boat- but it goes along with the counter-cultural way every teaching of Jesus runs. Nowhere in the Bible does righteous authority involve subjugation or using people for material gain. To make it in the world, stepping on people is the only means of reaching the top; character is not a necessary component in accomplishing goals. How strange it must be to think of a leader standing in front of the gun for a soldier he commands or lovingly washing the dirty feet of his men.  And yet, the greatest leader of all time did just that.

How many of us would be willing to do the same? “Not many of you should presume to be teachers/leaders, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly,” James said. When the microscope picks up discrepancies in our character, will we humbly accept the scrutiny and discipline ourselves to love and serve, arising to greater levels of leadership and growth as we follow Jesus Christ, or will we agitate under the pressure?

“…For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved. Follow me as I follow Christ.” (I Corinthians 10:33-11:1)