Fieryhalo

I wanted to be “the ruler of the world.” Yes, that was my 5 year old dream; my grandma will testify to the fact.  She gave me the penny I used to wish for it.  What do you want to be when you grow up? Every child has a different answer. Doctor, ballerina, fireman, artist, writer, singer, etc.  These are all very normal. As a 5 year old, I obviously wasn’t thinking normally. Unrealistic as it was, it was the biggest, greatest destiny I could envision for my life.

Since that time I’ve had enough humbling experiences to realize I’m too fallible to save anyone, including myself. The journey of “becoming” is a fascinating subject to me now because, for all we strive to be, we never actually arrive. You can work for years to become a high school graduate; once you’ve reached that you want to become an employee or college student; once you’ve reached that you want to become a home-owner; and the list goes on.

We are continually in the process of becoming something.  The truth is that all the gifts and accomplishments you can dream up and do in a lifetime ultimately become nothing; they accomplish nothing.  In the grand scheme of all life and the spiritual dimension of infinity and what comes after life, all that we worry about and work our entire lives to achieve is less important than shoveling dirt. Isn’t that flattering? Our purpose driven lives are full to overflowing with our own self-importance when nothing we do makes any lasting impact on a large scale. Now, don’t get depressed yet… this idea isn’t being perpetuated by a bunch of nobodies.

Einstein, Franklin, Bach, C.S. Lewis, Handel and others have understood this concept. If you’re living to become great, take note: living to please ones’ self becomes nothing; it’s worthless in this life and especially the next. Living to please fickle people amounts to the same. So, what lasts?

I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him. I don’t count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. – Philippians 3:7-9

How many kids say they want to become “righteous” when they grow up? (Maybe in surfing culture… haha!) We don’t think about it and it’s impossible for us to do on our own.  As I said in “Playing for Blood” our idea of achievement and greatness is universally different from God’s.

So, with this in mind, the secret Truth is: to truly become great, you first have to recognize your own insignificance.

"The Gift"

In a College classroom with a professor teaching a philosophy lesson……. ‘Let me explain the problem science has with religion.’ The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

‘You’re a Christian, aren’t you, son?’
‘Yes sir,’ the student says.
‘So you believe in God?’  ‘Absolutely.. ‘
‘Is God good?’
‘Sure! God’s good.’  ‘Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?’  ‘Yes’
‘Are you good or evil?’

‘The Bible says I’m evil.’

The professor grins knowingly. ‘Aha! The Bible!’

He considers for a moment. ‘Here’s one for you. Let’s say there’s a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?’

‘Yes sir, I would.’

‘So you’re good…!’

‘I wouldn’t say that.’
‘But why not say that? You’d help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn’t.’  The student does not answer, so the professor continues. ‘He doesn’t, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Can you answer that one?’

The student remains silent.  ‘No, you can’t, can you?’ the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax. ‘Let’s start again, young fella. Is God good?’
‘Er..yes,’ the student says.  ‘Is Satan good?’
The student doesn’t hesitate on this one. ‘No.’
‘Then where does Satan come from?’

The student falters. ‘From God’
‘That’s right. God made Satan, didn’t he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?’
‘Yes, sir.’  ‘Evil’s everywhere, isn’t it? And God did make everything, correct?’
‘Yes’

‘So who created evil?’ The professor continued, ‘If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil.’
Again, the student had no answer.  ‘Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?’
The student squirms on his feet.  ‘Yes.’
‘So who created them?’  The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. ‘Who created them?’ There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. ‘Tell me,’ he continues onto another student. ‘Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?’  The student’s voice betrays him and cracks.  ‘Yes, professor, I do.’
The old man stops pacing. ‘Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?’

‘No sir.. I’ve never seen Him.’

‘Then tell us if you’ve ever heard your Jesus?’

‘No, sir, I have not.’

‘Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?’
‘No, sir, I’m afraid I haven’t.’
‘Yet you still believe in him?’
‘Yes’
‘According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?’
‘Nothing,’ the student replies. ‘I only have my faith.’
‘Yes, faith,’ the professor repeats. ‘And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith.’

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of His own.  ‘Professor, is there such thing as heat?’
‘ Yes.’
‘And is there such a thing as cold?’

‘Yes, son, there’s cold too.’

‘No sir, there isn’t.’

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested.  The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain.  ‘You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don’t have anything called ‘cold’. We can hit down to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat.  You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat.  We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.’

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer. ‘What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?’

‘Yes,’ the professor replies without hesitation. ‘What is night if it isn’t darkness?’

‘You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it’s called darkness, isn’t it? That’s the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness isn’t. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?’

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester.  ‘So what point are you making, young man?’

‘Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.’

The professor’s face cannot hide his surprise this time. ‘Flawed?  Can you explain how?’

‘You are working on the premise of duality,’ the student explains. ‘You argue that there is life and then there’s death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it.’

‘Please tell me, sir. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?’

‘If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do.’

‘Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?’ The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed. ‘Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?’

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.  ‘To continue the point you were making earlier, let me give you an example of what I mean.’ The student looks around the room. ‘Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor’s brain?’ The class breaks out into laughter.. ‘Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor’s brain, felt the professor’s brain, touched or smelt the professor’s brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir.’ ‘If science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?’

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable. Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. ‘I Guess you’ll have to take them on faith.’

‘Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life,’ the student continues. ‘Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?’  Now uncertain, the professor responds, ‘Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man’s inhumanity to man. It is in The multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.’

To this the student replied, ‘Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God’s love present in his heart. It’s like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.’  The professor sat down.

______________________________________________

– I wish I could say I wrote this – I’m not sure who wrote it but I appreciated the insight.

“I want to know God’s thoughts, the rest are just details.” – Albert Einstein

According to a recent statistic from the Centers for Disease Control, 1 in 4 of America’s seniors in high school already has a sexually transmitted disease.  By the 8th grade, 52% of adolescents have consumed alcohol, 41% have smoked cigarettes, and 20% have used marijuana (according to the National Survey of Substance Abuse). We all know that traffic crashes are the greatest single cause of death for all persons age 6–33 but did you know that about 45% of these fatalities are alcohol-related?  Drivers age 21–29 drive the greatest proportion of their miles drunk.

We don't have to see, hear, or taste what's wrong to know it's wrong and avoid it.

I was talking to an acquaintance named Zach about experiences we had in high school and college.  He had just finished telling me all about this wild party he’d attended his senior year.  He knew me well enough to know our interests in that area weren’t alike but I was dumbfounded when he asked me if I felt like I’d missed out on “normal” experiences like drinking, partying, intimate dating, etc.  (I’m reminded of how many times I’ve heard “you’re just different” – even by people who are supposed to be Christians) It gave me a perfect opportunity to share with him how I perceive “normal” experiences.  The above statistics are staggering but most people don’t think in terms of consequences.  Zach was coming from the perspective of experimentation… using your own experience to decide if certain behaviors are okay.  Benjamin Franklin once said, “Experience keeps a dear school but fools will learn in no other.” Unfortunately, by the time he’d made a decision about whether something was good or bad for him, Zach had already become addicted to the party scene and all the comes with it.  He realized it wasn’t “the best kind of life” but didn’t think it was “that bad”.  What he was asking me was how I knew if a behavior is good or bad, moral or immoral? And does it really matter if it’s your life? You can’t answer either of those questions unless you have a standard.

Does science have the answer?  I’d say facts can help sometimes. Because of science, I don’t have to smoke to know that I have a 96% chance of getting cancer in my throat or lungs; I don’t have to sleep around to know that I could get a life-altering (or ending!) STD.  Does Sunday morning have to be spent with a “hug-the-toilet-hangover” for me to have had a good time Saturday night? Thank heaven the answer would be “no.”  Common sense and science gives you a foundation for these.  But even more than that, I want to live by a standard of absolute Truth.  People might feel like they have the freedom to do whatever they want but if they knew the truth, they’d see those addictions to sex, porn, drinking, drugs, etc. as anything but freedom. On July 4^th, we celebrate good ole American independence and we do it flaunting more bondage than we ever experienced in the history of this nation.

Most of us know about the “BIG” bondages and some of us have done a pretty good job of avoiding “sex, drugs, and rock and roll” (well, maybe not the rock and roll).  That being said, this might get a little bit uncomfortable… aren’t there more benign, less socially invasive behaviors we have a hard time balancing or controlling?  How about eating (or not eating), beauty, perfectionism, materialism, workaholism, depression, thought-life, co-dependent relationships… we were created with a drive to seek fulfillment.  We are bent toward addictions in the increasingly obsessive “pursuit of happiness.”  Yes, even for Christians, right priorities can be elusive.  Our relationship with the Lord should be at the top of our list but how many of us, myself included, get stuck doing or thinking about other things first: spending more time on IM, working out, watching television, shopping, clocking overtime hours, going to movies, playing videogames?

Life in Jesus Christ is a celebration of freedom and sensational experiences.  My freedom isn’t something that can be taken away and it isn’t the “normal” experience. Christians shouldn’t be stuffy, uptight legalists.  Of anyone, we have ultimate freedom!  It’s rock solid, supersedes national laws and clickish social hierarchies, and gets us out of those funky “religious rules” made by men to dominate men.  Emancipation has always required sacrifice, sacrifice of life, resources, and responsibility.  In my battle for independence, only two lives were necessary, Jesus Christ’s and mine. He died for my freedom and now I’m giving my life to serve Him. I have no life, no freedom, no good experiences AT ALL without it.  If you serve yourself and your desires… you lose; drive for self-fulfillment turns us on to bondages that wreck our lives.  James put it well when he said, “Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty…”

We’ve all heard the story. First girl in the garden walking by the tree of forbidden fruit. She’s obviously looking… who wouldn’t? It’s forbidden. Classic… to us; this was new back then. Maybe she’s wondering why it’s forbidden, maybe imagining what it tastes like.  God never gave the details; he just said no.

While she’s turning the beautiful snack over and over in her mind, the sleek muscled body of the serpent glides down from a nearby branch. Her contemplations are met with his easy reasoning and ssssweet half-truths about God and the fruit. Gentle, whispered assurances turn her fears into hunger and the innocence of mankind is stripped from the lips down with the first bite. Eve’s mind had consumed the curse before her body felt the effects but the first sin was precipitated by this carefully orchestrated seduction.

Ironic, isn’t it, that seduction is so popular today?  We even take it as a complement when someone says “that’s so sexy”. One could say it’s just a style but style is a form of communication. What are we trying to communicate?

The model’s slow, sensual curves sway on the way to the bar for a beer in one commercial; another one curls herself around the muscular guy who just shaved. These images dance at the limits of perceived social acceptability. For a while we subconsciously cringe at the audacity of public four-play but the discomfort turns to wonder, the wonder into hunger. Our mind takes us to the foregone conclusion before our body reaches the finish line but, according to the Center for Disease Control, this year, one in four young people under the age of 25 already has a sexually transmitted disease that could dramatically alter or end their lives. This says nothing of those over 25. We’re still reliving the first sin, pulled in one step at a time by the same silver-tongued serpent using the same tactics but this time, we’re the biter and the bait.

Satan is a counterfeit of God, sticking his long, forked licker in the ear of anyone who will listen. He’s been trying to use us and kill us since the beginning of time and, according to Revelation, it’s only getting worse. With vampires, witches, werewolves, sorcerers, sex, and gods on the upcoming entertainment menu of the year, it’s obvious he’s working overtime to hijack our thoughts. Satan has his copy for God’s original in every area as heaven and hell battle for our hearts. Unfortunately, unlike China or South America, the copied brands cost more.  We sell our souls in this bargain.

Imagine handing a guy on the street a counterfeit $100 bill; besides being really excited about it, he’s probably not going to know the difference between the fake and a real one. Unless he’s specifically trained to see the disparities between what’s real and what’s not, he’s going use it. The same is true of us. Do we know how to see the differences between the Truth and a lie?  You might hear every sweet word you’ve ever wanted whispered in your ear; you may see every effort made to please and “serve” you; the tender touch of lips against your hand will promise every dream fulfilled in life but the ultimate goal is total domination and possession beginning with your mind and heart. With those in hand, the snake already has control over you, body and soul.  Fortunately, while we live, it’s never too late to “be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Romans 12)

Seduction and lust is selfish, jealous, impatient, impassioned, physical, and isn’t love. Real love by contrast is pure, innocent, and deeply committed. Jesus cites it as the mark of a disciple. “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:35) It’s interesting. The gospel, put very simply, is the concept that real love, in its purest form, is the remedy for that sexy snake bite, its Satanic counterfeit; just like the Truth is the only cure for a lie.

I’m sitting at my desk looking at the piles of papers and books around me and feeling very disorganized. I don’t know why I’m blogging again so soon; it would probably be a more profitable use of my time to clean up this mess.

Ridiculous as this sounds, I’m actually enjoying the cluttered, lived-in, busy surroundings. This is new for me, since I do strange things like color-coding the clothes in my closet and arranging all the shirts and pants separately by season.  My file drawer that nobody ever sees is immaculate. Maybe the OCD tendencies that helped me survive college died when I graduated or maybe I just like the look of books and papers stacked everywhere.

Green by Ted Dekker has been begging me to read it since my brother finished it two days ago; it’s sitting on top of a stack at my right that includes Going Rogue by Sarah Palin, Disipline by Elisabeth Elliot, National Geographic Photography Field Guide, and 10 Rules of Writing by Elmore Leonard. On my left, another stack rests including Renaissance Church by Edmond Teo, Nikon D3000 for Dummies, The Secrets of the Lord by Dannah Gresh, Dialogue by Lewis Turco, and Common Sense by Glenn Beck.  My journal and my Bible are on the table at my left next to the stack of books, both half covered by an untidy accumulation of research papers marked up with highlighter and notes. The research is mine and others, a growing paper shadow of the upcoming conference presentation I’m not at all ready for.  Mixed in at the top are pieces of paper with content changes for a new ministry website I’m revamping.

Come to think of it, I’m desperately feeling the urgency for organization now; my heart’s even beating faster. I can’t stand feeling so responsible for all this and yet, what would I be doing if I wasn’t? Maybe a clean workspace would be better but then, I really don’t want to mess up my beautiful chaos!

On my right, next to my computer, is my phone (I’m expecting a call from a friend in Oregon); on the other side, a half-empty pack of Mentos Ice gum that I brought home from Vietnam is sitting next to the still unwatched Confessions of a Shopaholic DVD I picked up at the library last week. I keep putting off watching it because I know I should be memorizing Mozart’s Fantasia in D Minor for my piano recital in a month and I’d much rather be talking with my friend from Oregon if only she’d call. Through it all, this whole blessed mess is being benevolently observed by the smiling faces of two of my professors and my sister looking out from their frames at the head of my desk.

My life is a wreck. But I could care less; I like it the way it is… and my phone is finally ringing.

Our culture’s unspoken mantra is “you live your way and let me live mine.” According to prevailing thought, it makes no difference what we do as long as we’re not hurting anybody. Jennifer Lopez put it well back in 1999 when she said: “You gotta do it your way… Life is meant to be big fun/you’re not hurting anyone/nobody loses/let the music make you free/be what you want to be make no excuses.” Let’s Get Loud is still her most popular hit.

It makes sense, doesn’t it? Individualism and freedom liberates us from cultural expectations because our culture is, fundamentally, open. We’re a wide-mouthed melting pot that justifies any differences in beliefs or lifestyle. It’s a don’t ask, don’t tell value system that lifts up the proud American standard of individual independence and freedom to pursue what we think will make us happy. It’s a tough break from the social responsibility and self-sacrifice our independence was purportedly founded on but give us a break! We’re trying to make ourselves happy here! We’ll lend a hand to Haiti and take up collections for Darfur but in our day-to-day existence we’re still a country of self-promoting, self-justifying loners. It’s interesting that even in our loneliness we’re not alone; everyone lives in the same state.

Anyone who has felt it can tell you, loneliness is the absence of freedom.

I’m realizing that there’s a difference between loners and stand-aloners. I’m reading Going Rogue by Sarah Palin.  The book was given to me for my birthday a week ago but I’ll be honest, gift or not, I wasn’t sure what I would think of the woman’s autobiography; I’ve been made to scrutinize her more than other politicians right now simply because the media loves to very publically pick at any possible loose threads in her moral fabric. Even the president’s administration stoops to respond to her remarks. You’d think they’d believe it beneath them. The only thing I can deduce is that she must be a threat.  After reading only a few chapters of Going Rogue, I’m beginning to understand why.

Sarah Palin jeopardizes the no-accountability, don’t-ask-don’t-tell system; not to mention, she makes a lot of people in politics look bad. First of all, she was a beauty queen, a massive over-achiever, and runs marathons. Her husband is a sharp witted man and Iron Dog competitor. Even more than that though, if we’re contemplating what it would look like for us to stand side-by-side with the wholesome, Scrabble-playing Hockey mom and her family, we can’t help but feel sick about our own broken families and selfishness. Unfortunately, we as human beings are notorious for our measuring sticks. We kill each other (and ourselves) with them sometimes. How condemned and dirty do we feel in the light of a powerful woman with a crystal clean image, a lifetime history of public service, and a close Christian family standing behind her like back-up singers on the podium of American politics? She’s just one woman against a lot of powerful people in Washington, calling out all their dirty little secrets. For Sarah Palin, public service is about standing for what’s right even when, in her field, she’s often quite alone.

I think the Palin family’s inspiration quotient, added to a growing number of grassroots movers and shakers, is making Americans question if we can do better. People are dissatisfied with the partisan, anti-plebian politics we’ve been force-fed lately; the Tea-Party is evidence of the American public’s desire for improved manners. It’s no wonder the mainstream media and the progressive left are pitching a fit. I wouldn’t be altogether opposed if Palin would just give the crying babies a good old-fashioned, Klondike spanking. She’s already a mother of five; what’s a few more?

I analyze very critically everything I see and read and I realize America is doing more of that these days as well.  To ignore what’s going on in our society is to ignore people who matter.  If we block out everything we disagree with or feel uncomfortable with, how can we make discerning choices? How can we be worthy of every life lost to secure our freedom? We’re not as alone and free-wheeling as we believe we are; whether we like it or not, we are bound to a responsibility for our personal conduct, our relationships, our families, and our government.  “You live your way and let me live mine” doesn’t fit in functioning relationships on ANY level.  Fundamentally, life is about who you choose to serve.